Project-Blu ‘DOA: Dead or Alive’ Canadian Import Review, by Nate Boss

DOA: Dead or Alive

By: Nate Boss, 8.9.2009

The Movie Itself:
 Before Chris Klein stunk up the screen in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, Kevin Nash (Big Daddy Cool, Diesel, professional wrestler) stunk up the stage on a video game film adaptation. While one Nash would have existed regardless of the other, it is still a fun thing to think about. The Nash and Nash connection. A goofball with no acting range portraying a police tough guy, and an aging, worn down wrestler with no acting range portraying an aging, worn down wrestler.

Does that not say everything that needs to be said about DOA: Dead or Alive? One of the many, many, many rip off games created after Street Fighter 2 opened the floodgates (don't even pretend it isn't!), DOA got the film adaptation treatment due to it's "Extreme Beach Volleyball" sub-brand, ya know, the game with all the fighting chicks in bikinis, strutting around, being 128 bit whores. That one. So when a fighting game can't even inspire a movie enough that it needs the sex appeal desperation game to elicit a movie adaptation, having the result be a mix of the two, prepare for disaster.

And disaster, this is.

A video game based off of a fighting tournament and scantily (skankily) clad women gets a movie of the same theme. The tournament has begun. The invitations have been sent out, all the participants on hand and ready to rumble. Only one fighter will win and earn $10 million. But why? Why is there a fighting contest on a remote island with no telecast, no sponsors, to make money off of? Aha! Something foul is a foot, and after kicking the shit out of each other, the participants of the event have to band together to save each other from catastrophe.

Catastrophe? More like cat-ass-trophy. You know, something you wouldn't be proud to admit you own (everyone with trophies praising the merits of their cats asses, leave....now). DOA is an abomination. Much like a nuclear test gave birth to Godzilla, a pile of shitty fighting game adaptations has given birth to this mess.

The acting is wooden, so so wooden. Characters are introduced, in movie, with little profile screens. I wish that were a joke. The entire movie stops just so we know a character's name, and that they're "invited." DOA logos transition segments of the film in a very amateurish way. Video screens of the fights display health meters. That's right. Health meters. If we needed more evidence this film was made for fan(s), that was it. I know when I get into big barrio gang fights, I make sure my health meter is all in the green, and I'm careful to not let it get too low. That's how real life fights work. Didn't you know?

The film takes on an array of fighting styles, to show an array of fighters, and this works as the strongest element of the film. Just cut out the story, remove all that shit, just put the fight scenes on disc, call it the movie, and bam, you have a film with double the score, and none of the stupid. The film has such an obvious focus on the female contestants and their attire that it may as well be porn. There's even an obligatory volleyball sequence, as that's what tournament fighters do. DOA is a movie that forgets its place, what it really is: a third rate movie based off a second rate fighting game.

Where's the bruising? Where's the bloody noses? This film is all about hard contact, strong hits, nasty blows, and we see no signs of it. EVER. Jaime Pressly, Devon Aoki, and all you fourth rate D-level actors? Get an agent who isn't a sadist. It may do your careers a favor, and the lack of star power may help prevent some shit piles from seeing the light of day. Remember: only YOU can prevent shitty movies.
Rating: 4/10

The Presentation:

Alliance fans. Calling all Alliance fans. Maybe that should say fan, singular, but lets not split hairs. We have a rare feat here, an anomaly indeed. An Alliance cheapie Blu-ray that doesn't suck, even if the film it is for does. Tremendously.

There is none of the usual quality killers here. The movie is new enough that the lack of a remaster doesn't affect the visual quality that much. The picture is presented in 1080p. That's p as in "pthank pgod," rather than i, as in "I didn't fuck up this time!" Also wonderful news, the film is presented in it's natural 2.35:1 window, rather than a cropped or opened print for cable broadcast, the Alliance specialty that has ruined many a release.

The film boasts some very vibrant colors, but this is a bit artificial (more on that later, naturally). Detail is amazingly improved over the not-that-old Dimension Extreme DVD release. The picture has a beautiful pop (in other words, it's 3D and it's good). Edges are very natural and clean. That's about twice as long as the normal compliment list for an Alliance Blu-ray!

Sadly, the video does have a few issues. The grain goes from hefty to invisible to random, to nasty to beautiful, with no apparent rhyme or reason. Reds don't replicate well, at all, while blacks are meager. Facial details show an occasional bit of orange (though they are often quite lovely). Whites of eyes often display a blue tint, and it's not just slightly. DNR is a possible hidden combatant in this tournament. Banding issues pop up often, even in the DOA logo transitions. Contrast runs excessively hot at times, to the point that many sequences glow, like they just got laid. In the end, though, we're the ones who just got fucked.

For the audio, Alliance, as always, defaults to the lossy mix, so a trip to the menu (if you'd like to call the audio options that) is necessary to get the full price of admission here. It's worth the few seconds it takes, though. DOA may mean Dead On Arrival in terms of movie quality (a pun, ain't I clever?), but the audio is the furthest thing from dead. In fact, this is the most lively thing I've seen come out of Alliance since they had a zombie outbreak (the way they run their Blu-ray production, zombies in charge wouldn't surprise me).

This sound mix fucking rocks.

I could just leave the review at that. It does. It fucking rocks. It doesn't just rock, singular, or without fucking. Like two volcanic lumps trying to reproduce, this audio fucking rocks. We clear on that? Good.

LFE use is hefty and active, constantly engaging, but never really outrageous in the same way that Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-LI was. With every thump (in this film, they aren't ever soft), there's an appropriate rumble that ensues, properly showing how nasty the fighting is. The bass doesn't define the track, but it beautifully compliments the on-goings.

Motion effects also are used brilliantly in the fight sequences, with punches and kicks swooping across the room,. The pans are far less than discrete, as, much like the film, this shit is in your face. And the sound mix fucking rocks.

Dialogue seems muted at times, and while always understandable (sadly), it is often drowned out by the other portions of the film. Much the same can be said about footsteps, occasionally audible, while other times they are completely lost. Chirping in the soundtrack, a very high end sound, can be massively annoying. Still, an incredibly immersive sound mix, coupled with some great boom, and, guess what? Something about rocks.
Rating: 6/10 ( 5/10- video, 8/10- audio)

The Extras:
Ich don't think so! However, in case you missed it, the audio fucking rocks.
Rating: 0/10

Overall:
Sometimes a finale isn't necessary. We have three natural elements on display here. Shit (the film), a trashbag floating in the wind (the video), and rocks (the audio). Beware of this one if you haven't seen it. If you have seen it, and still buy this one, you are a masochist. Admit it.
Rating: 4/10