Project-Blu ‘Final Destination 2’ Canadian Import Review, by Nate Boss

Final Destination 2

By: Nate Boss, 7.20.2009

The Movie Itself:
 Guys, this review is for you. Some of you will know exactly what I'm referring to. You saw it in American Pie, so if you can't relate first hand, you can at least empathize.

You get all excited. You know it's gonna happen. You're just raring to go. You're given the green light. You're in position. You're in....and it's over, just like that. You blew it. You're spent. All that anticipation, gone.

Final Destination 2, see above. You start out strong, you build up anticipation, whetting our appetites, making us think we're going to get some (good horror), but instead, you're just a limp dick.

After the success of the first Final Destination film, and the seemingly endless parade of sequels any partially original (hell, to be frank, a shot by shot remake would probably get sequels in today's shitty Hollywood horror scene) horror film receives, part 2 was inevitable. The first film left the door open ever so slightly, so we all had to know this was coming.

Little did we know, that when we got what we asked for, we instead got a kick to the groin.

Flight 180 is a thing of the past, 1 year past, to be exact. It is only relevant as we're about to see de ja vu. Flight 181...kidding. Kimberly (A.J. Cook) foresees a traffic accident that goes absolutely apeshit, killing numerous people in a pile-up of epic proportions, and breaks down mentally, causing those behind her on the turnpike to not be on the freeway when the accident actually occurs, saving their lives...sort of. Death don't like having empty seats on his boat, and he wants those who snuck out of their fate. One by one, these survivors are going to meet death by some unusual circumstances. How do you beat death?

Really, how does one beat Death (beyond not visiting Detroit)? If you're Max von Sydow, you can hope he sucks at chess. If you're Bill or Ted, you can make a crappy sequel. If you're the actors in this film...you rationalize some stupid ass excuse, repeat it until you are convinced that's how death works (really, who the fuck knows how death works?!), and then act irrationally, and point to any minor sign or occurrence that supports your belief in any minute way and say you're right.

Final Destination 2 is just like the analogy that starts this review. It climaxes before it even begins. Prematurely. Way, way, way, WAY too early, so that no one can leave satisfied.

I can't help but point out the fatal flaws in this film. Those involved are already drawing conclusions about "turns to die" and so forth, at a point when NONE OF THEM who have cheated death had died yet. NONE. They just have heard about the mysterious Flight 180 deaths, and instantly realize that death has a hard on for them. I mean, god damn, are the writers of these films THAT self important? Are these characters like those guys you see in some post-modern zombie films, who have seen every zombie film ever made, so they're self professed experts (who always die somewhat fast, ironically)? They act like they've been there, done that, but wait, they haven't. They fucking have not. They just witnessed a big fuggen boom, and one person tripping out, when she was in a car full of others who were also partaking in illicit drugs. I'm sorry, but anyone that closely associated with dopers is likely to be a doper, it's just statistics and teen nature, and since when are stoners credible? Since when do we care what a stoner thinks or says?

But wait, there's more. Later in the film, these sudden experts at their own predicament come to some contrived bullshit belief that their lives can be spared if, magically, they can bring a new life into this world? If that were the case, and Kimberly already knows about Clear (Ali Larter, returning from the first film) institutionalizing herself, why don't they just go into looney bin, fuck, and get it over with? I mean, come on! But no, they put all their hopes on some preggers chick they think will also die in the wreck. I suppose it's like a twisted version of Heroes....save the fetus....save the world.

But wait, there's more. Did you know that pigeons carry death for more reasons than their Arby's diets? It's true, apparently, as in Final Destination 2, pigeons foretell of a death to come. Pigeons. Winged rats. But these are special pigeons. They're so special, they fly into windows. Repeatedly. The dentist, whose office it is, goes on to say "how do they expect me to...," and yet, he's talking about winged rats. I somehow don't think the pigeons expect you to do anything, pal. I don't think they care that you are a dentist behind those windows they're smacking. I'm pretty sure they're more concerned with that magic barrier they just ran into, or the fall they're going to have if it stunned them. I suppose pigeons just don't care if you're a dentist, and need to concentrate. By the way, did you know dentists use both localized anesthesia in the form of a shot, AND nitrous? Sad to say, I've been to the dentists plenty (still have my teeth, so don't draw conclusions), and I've never had a silly FILLING require me to be put under by both a shot and laughing gas. Seriously. Was that kid the biggest pussy in history, or what?

But wait, there's more. Exposition is spouted like it were life saving. If exposition would kill a character, this would be one short ass movie, as the entire FILM is exposition. The thing is, we don't need it. We saw part 1. You know, the good installment of the series. That's the only reason we're watching part 2. We know how death is like a child who had its favorite toy taken away, he wants it back, and will cry and bitch until he gets it. So why do we get all the conjecture and stupid prattle spouted out by every character?

Simply, because this film sucks. No matter how complex and interesting the Rube Goldberg-esque death sequences get, this film is bogged down by some awful writing. Shorten the film to about 10 minutes, have it only include the death sequences, and tada, you have the only good parts of this film.

But wait, there's more. One more Final Destination film hit Blu-ray recently from Canada! Stay tuned for our thoughts on that one!
Rating: 3/10

The Presentation:
I know what you're thinking. Nate. Reviewing a Blu-ray from Alliance. This is going to start with some general insults about the company and their track record, and continue on with remarks about how languid every bit of the audio and video are. I mean, there is a track record supporting such a train of thought, almost as much as there is a track record of Alliance putting out sub-par discs to cash in on titles that have yet to see their releases from the studios who own them here, ya know, in the country where they were made.

So, here goes. None of the usual quality killers. It's in 1080P. It's in the 1.78:1 ratio, which is a slightly opened up version of the 1.85:1 ratio, with such a minimal difference that most viewers won't know the difference, or that there even is a difference (while, of course, I still find it to be unacceptable). Scary thing, of course, is that if this film were native 2.35:1, it would have been cropped to shit. No extras to bog down disc space on this BD25, so there SHOULD be quality picture, right?

Right?

Never you fear, folks. Where there's a will, there's a way, and the way to butcher a release has been found for this Blu-ray release of Final Destination 2 (also known as Destination Ultime 2, I have learned, from the wonderful bi-lingual packaging).

Let's start from the top. Delineation is poor, detail just gets sucked away in shadows or darker areas. Blacks, poor. Dirt and scratching pop up at a rapid pace in some sequences, in larger clumps, not just speckles. Contrast blows. Banding is evident in some backgrounds. Whites are super busy and active. Brightness flutters. Numerous soft and uninspired shots are mixed into this soft and uninspired film, I mean there's no detail whatsoever. It's possible DNR plays a hand in that, as facial features look a bit waxy at times. There's no smearing, really, but there sure is wax. Also, I saw a few thin halos here and there, nothing overly thick or distracting, but the truth is out there.

I'm not a fan of the audio here, either. Alliance put the generic lame brained lossy mix as the default on this release, so with the lack of an opening menu, you cannot set this disc up without using the pop up menu during the film. You also have to not forget to do it, as you can watch the film halfway through and not realize you're on the lesser track.

Of course, you can listen to the lossless track found in this release halfway through and not realize it, either. I'm at a loss for words about this lossless mix. Bad pun, 5 yard penalty.

The film has some healthy atmospheric effects, from wind and passing minute noises in the opening freeway scene before the clusterfuck sequence, it's almost like you're there. A later scene with random water drips also has this nice feeling. There is some strong directionality in the opening sequence (the money shot of the film), as well.

Hey, I said some nice things! On to the negatives. Bass, where are you? Bass, hello, bass? You weren't even there in the series of explosions and crashes. You should have been. Of course, you would be one of the people to die soon afterwards, but on this audio mix, it's like you've been dead the whole time. There were times where I did look over to my big black room stomper to make sure it was still turned on during the review, that's how measly it is in the mix. Also, higher pitched noises like yelling, sound tinny and unnatural, so fidelity, you're out. It could have been worse, but it could have been so, so, so much better. An epic scene in terms of audio potential is utterly wasted here.
Rating: 5/10 ( 5/10- video, 6/10- audio)

The Extras:
Dude, it's an Alliance release. Your packaging for this release is in 2 languages, if you count that. You can now learn how to say "Fasten your seatbelts and prepare yourself for one horrifying ride...it may be your last!" in French! In French!!!! It's like a Rosetta Stone program, only it's specific to this movie's synopsis!
Rating: 0/10

Overall:
Alliance normally releases films we want to see, but haven't seen from the rightful American owners of the properties. Here, they obviously just went to fill in a series, cashing in on the domestic release of Final Destination (though, technically, they also released FD in Canada, but who cares, as we got the version we wanted). With middling audio and video, and no extras to be found, I see no reason for this film to be imported. I want the last 90 minutes of my life back. Sadly, as I hinted to earlier, with Final Destination 3 coming up shortly, this film may look like gold in comparison...
Rating: 3/10