Project-Blu Jennifer's Body Blu-ray review, by Nate Boss

Jennifer's Body

By: Nate Boss, 1.4.2010

The Movie Itself:
Project-Blu Points Bulletin (The PB PB)

Pro:
Seyfried is enjoyable, even if her acting is a bit subpar.
A solid, promising (false promising) opening sequence.
Enough teasing to get the pubescent boys away from the streets for 2 hours.

Con:
Megan Fox can't act. Period. Putting her in a starring role only defines such.
Diablo Cody can't write, in my opinion. What is put on screen here supports my belief.
The film runs too long for its own good. It should have ran a brisk 85, and risked confusion, rather than boredom.

Shocking confession: I think Diablo Cody happens to be one of the worst, if not THE worst, writer in modern cinema. That's right, in my eyes, even the screenplays by German legend Uwe Boll look golden. The stripper (classy!) cum "writer" is to film what Stephanie Meyer is to literature: a degradation of standards, appealing to the unwashed and foolish, the easily influenced, the intellectually void. Simply put: the woman writes pretentious dialogue, to appease herself, with no regards to what an audience wants to hear or see. She expects the world to get her "in jokes" and random as Family Guy references as acceptable, NORMAL speech patterns. Her inability to grasp human interaction mutilated Juno, utterly annihilating any chance the film had to appeal to anyone outside of a brief window in history. There ain't no "here's lookin' at you, kid" lines in her films...more like a "ey cap'n, i'z peepin' yo' future crotchfruit, green?"

Due to the success of "unintelligible tripe conversations and unbelievable, convenient, instant character development"...I mean, Juno, Cody became the Hollywood golden child. A g-strings to...jewel encrusted g-strings tale (the classic "rags to riches" line doesn't apply to anyone making a living wearing less than rags). Any project by Cody would be an instant green light (meanwhile, brilliant author Chuck Palahniuk only has two works adapted to film, with Fight Club and Choke, despite the instant cult success his works have provided). Cue: Jennifer's Body, also known as "has that woman ever seen a horror movie or taken a god damn writing class?"

Jennifer (Megan Fox) is a former beauty queen high school cheerleader who all the boys lust over. Her passion for life, hard and fast, puts her in all kinds of situations. Her best friend, Needy (Amanda Seyfried), is more reserved than her counterpart, though she shares interests, possibly more than just what she enjoys (in other words, she might be gay for her best friend. shhhhh.....). After going to see the band Low Shoulder at the local dive, the duo find themselves in the middle of a tragedy (think Great White), with Jennifer going off with the band while the other audience is still smoldering.

Things don't turn out all that great for Jennifer. A botched sacrifice to the devil is all she gets..that, and a demonic possession. With a newfound thirst for blood, Jennifer reeks havoc through an already scarred community, leaving horny boy after horny boy broken, and not just their hearts. Needy is on to her best friend, though, and when push comes to shove, she's going to have to put a stop to her lifelong friend's evil.

Wow, just wow. Not the good kind of wow, just...wow. I have to repeat my question that closed the first paragraph of this review: has Diablo Cody ever seen a horror movie ?

This. Is. Not. Horror.

This. Is. Not. Comedy.

This. Is. Not. Even. Sparta.

This is madness, though.

Jennifer's Body is nothing. It's exploitation, and that's being nice. A pandering mess of a garbled up story, Cody's tale shows no class, no restraint, and no love or knowledge of cinema, crafting a difficult tale that seems to target the Twilight audience (ie, the ones who will like what they're told to like, and not question it, or its shortcomings).

Where to start? Ah, the pandering. Body doesn't know what to do other than try to shock an audience into enjoyment. It all adds up to as much. The lesbian kiss? What's that all about? Tell me it fits into the story, and advances it, tell me that. You can't, because it doesn't. It's appealing to the boys who lust after Fox, who think "oh god, girls kissing are SOOO hot," with no substance or meaning. It's meant to entice us, like a prolonged jiggling breast shot, distract us from the surroundings.

What hype did Body have going into it? Let's think about it...Fox's near nudity. The shots surrounding the water, with her wearing nothing more than skin toned shorts and nipple pasties. What else? NOTHING. "The next film from Diablo Cody" is as much a selling point as "now with 100% more arsenic!"

The acting in the film is near horrific. Led by the woman voted worst actress of 2009. The only redeeming quality has to be Juno holdover J.K. Simmons (Valerie Tian also reappears, again in a tiny role). Fox is awful. She couldn't sell sex appeal to a prison, wearing nothing but a smile and holding on to a gallon of KY Jelly. Seyfried feels lost in the mix, trying to keep up with the absurdity of the events spiraling out of control. Her boyfriend Chip (Johnny Simmons, no relation) is a disaster as well.

This may sound personal, but it's something worth considering. Juno is an extreme pro-feminist trek. Think about it. Juno is in charge of her life, with absolutely no consideration for Bleaker, the father of her child. Her confidants? Her step mother, and her best friend, who has more say than the sperm bearer. Bleaker has no say in anything in the film, and has to accept every whim and thought that pops into his girl's brain. He has no say in even dating her. He has no say in nothing. She has the choice to abort, the choice to give up her baby for adoption, each and every choice in the film.

In Jennifer's Body, Jennifer (der) is Juno again, extremely pro-feminist. She attacks boys. Nothing but boys. She even equates them to being less than people (watch the trailer for proof of said line). They have no say. She uses them. She is the smart one. They're dumb. Each and every male in the film, dumb. Adults, children alike. The two girls in the film? Each has a single parent. Each one is female, as if all men run off on their women. The women are in charge of everything. Every. Thing. Even PMS is blamed as an invention of men. Men cause Jennifer's plight, deceiving her (despite her enthusiasm for the situation). There isn't a single male friend in either girl's life, other than their romantic links.

What gives? Why all the anti-male sentiment in two films in a row from Cody? Could her past profession catering to the whims of horny males have jaded her to half of society? That may sound horrific, especially coming from a male, but the continued hatred coming from her films is not acceptable. If Mel Brooks had followed up Blazing Saddles with another film heavy on black stereotypes and the N-word, both would have been seen differently, through more hatred. Look at Mel Gibson and the Passion of the Christ, how it was perceived, then what it became after his anti-semetic remarks in his DUI bust.

Diablo Cody shows no growth since her breakthrough with Juno, and if she keeps pumping out bile like Jennifer's Body, full of ridiculous dialogue, awful setups, and a complete disregard to what makes good cinema, then her career in the business will be short-lived, indeed.
Rating: 2/10

The Presentation:

So, there's no disputing that Jennifer's Body sucked, really, really bad, like a fucking black hole, or a herpes riddled hooker slopping down on the dirty bits of the Los Angeles Clippers. But how does this monstrosity look?

Not too shabby, honestly. Coulda been better, but coulda been much, much worse.

Colors are natural, with average skin tones (with quite a few shots that would have strong lighting of a scene wearing on it. Digital noise can be a problem, especially in skin, which can turn green and blue. Special effects are a mixed bag, with many integrating nicely, seamlessly, while others, like the Devil's Kettle waterfall, standing out like Fox's horrific acting (in every film she inhibits). The film tries to be moody with its color scheme, but it ends up making the film look awkward. Detail is strong in surroundings, with a light bit of detail in facial features coming through. Edges looked natural, and color banding wasn't an issue. Aliasing was surprisingly not present, despite some serious shots that would otherwise be a breeding ground. Delineation was mediocre at best.

The audio for Jennifer's Body comes by way of a DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 mix (with a few Dolby Digital 5.1 dubs). Possibly the highlight of this release, the track brings every line of silly (stupid) dialogue through cleanly, over any other element. Music has the majority of the bass presence, though there's a few spots of deep bass for ambience. Dialogue stays front and center, sadly, with little wander through other channels. Music doesn't integrate as loudly in the rears as it should, but it is there. The bar fire was probably the best "demo" moment, with a nice bass presence in the light explosions, and carnage everywhere. Atmosphere is light, underwhelming considering the on screen crowding. A good track, but it could have been more.

Overall Presentation: 8/10 (video score: 7.7/10, audio score: 8.3/10)

The Extras:
Fox Home Entertainment debuts 'Jennifer's Body' with a good collection of bonus material. Included in the package is both the Theatrical and Unrated versions of the movie.

Digital Copy
R/Unrated Cuts of Film
Audio Commentary (Theatrical) - With Karyn Kusama and Diablo Cody.
Audio Commentary (Unrated) - With Karyn Kusama.
Deleted Scenes
Gag Reel
Jennifer's Body: The Dead Pool
Video Diaries
Megan Fox Is Hot - Yeah, not so much.
Megan Fox "Peer Pressure" PSA
Fox Movie Channel Presents Life After Film School with Diablo Cody
Trailers - (500) Days of Summer, Something Something Something Darkside, Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead
PMT - Gentlemen Broncos, All About Steve, Whip It, Fame.
Rating: 6/10

Final Thoughts:
Simply put, I cannot stand what is being passed off as horror in Jennifer's Body. The script is lame, as though Cody had never seen a real horror film. The plot bites. The entire film seems aimed at young boys who will cream their pants seeing Megan Fox, let alone Megan Fox KISSING A GIRL. You know the type, the ones who watch Cinemax and HBO praying to see a boob. The Blu-ray for this release is very solid, but damned if it isn't wasted. Horror fans, avoid this one. Watch real horror. Invest in one of Blue Underground's epic catalog Blu-rays. Learn the history of the art, rather than watching the disintegration of it.
Rating: 6/10