Project-Blu ‘Spring Breakdown’ Review, by Nate Boss

Spring Breakdown

By: Nate Boss, 6.6.2009

The Movie Itself:
 Huevos Rancheros remind me of William...
'Cuz he went down on that hispanic guy?

And with that, the one funny line (or at least, what one line I found funny) is spoiled.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Spring Breakdown. A direct-to-video (dtv) release that features Amy Poehler (Baby Mama), Parker Posey (Best in Show), and Rachel Dratch (SNL) as a trio of women who all have their hollow lives fall to pieces in quick succession, and enter breakdown mode. When Becky's (Posey) boss assigns her to watch over her teenage daughter (Amber Tamblyn) on spring break down in South Padre, the three conflicted gals pack up and head out to free their minds of their troubles, and instead make each of their respective situations far worse. The girls will have their friendship tested, as each has their own set of obstacles and influences (and motives) on this wild and crazy week surrounded by hormone driven teenagers. But who knows, maybe they'll learn a thing or two about their positions in life, become even closer, and perhaps find the answers to all of their problems?

I am at a loss of words here. With a runtime of only 84 minutes, Spring Breakdown had me constantly checking my progress bar, seeing how much more there was to go. And that right there, folks, is a problem. Comedies are supposed to have us, the audience, laughing, with a character (or two) to connect with, so we can give a damn about their hilarious plight. We don't get that here. Dratch's story (adapted to the screen by director Ryan Shiraki) falls flat on it's face repeatedly, giving us three neurotic women who I really didn't find myself giving a damn about. Honestly, I found myself wishing them the worst at times. That right there is another problem.

The film just falls victim to too many mishaps. First, the performances by the trio of comedic women, who have that "what the hell am I doing here" look in their eyes at times (especially Poehler), while Posey gives some of the absolutely most wooden line readings since Keanu Reeves portrayed a piece of wood. And Dratch, I haven't forgotten about her. Her role of the needy, borderline psychopathic co-dependant nag with the eyes of a serial killer really didn't do it for me. She constantly looked like she was about an inch from stabbing a cast member and playing in their blood, and I'm not even sure if that is just how she is, or how she held her eyes for her role.

The film opens with a scene of the girls singing (to an audience, and us, the audience), a comedy/buddy movie cliche (just like singing to the radio in a car in a film, filler!) that needs to be taken out back like Old Yeller and bludgeoned with a hammer. This cliche is repeated twice in the film, with the Sevens, a group of "hotties" with attitude, gathering around to sing a Kelly Clarkson song at the beach around a fire (and since Clarkson music was NEVER "IN," I really have to question that addition to the film), and in the finale of the film, an impromptu talent show performance, where magically every character in the film has a role to play, an instrument they know, and they all know the song! It was about as egregious as those "burst into synchronized song and dance" numbers in a Disney animated feature.

I found myself wanting to yell at the screen, as an early scene showed a complete lack of comprehension for the American political system, and how a Vice President or President is chosen in case of impeachment, resignation, or death. The film finds it necessary to flash the words "South Padre" across the screen in big freaking letters, as if we, the audience, weren't smart enough to realize that suddenly the film were at the beach. I would have thought the series of beach shots, with cavorting youths partaking in all the generic beach activities, ya know, on the beach, would have been a give away. Best of all, there are spur of the moment change of character moments that are beyond convenient, as in the course of a single scene, a character in the film goes from fire and brimstone, to loving support in a cheerleader fashion, without any real reason.

Spring Breakdown is a film that wants you to feel embarrassed for the characters that are so far out of place, the epitomate fish out of water, but instead, you may feel embarrassed for yourself for watching it. That may sound a bit mean, but there are some things you'll never get back in life, and the 84 minutes that Spring Breakdown consumes are certainly an example of that. This film is aimed at those you’d expect to see on an MTV “Spring Break Special,” where the smartest thing out of anyone’s mouth is “Woooo! Spring Break! Wooooo!”
Rating: 2/10

The Presentation:
Spring Breakdown doesn't break down in the video department, with a VC-1 encode that does makes the film at least look good.

The colors in the film are vibrant, and quite wide ranging. Detail can be sharp at times, like the early scene in the dog training course with Poehler, while clothing and stray hairs pop, but for the most part, the detail is somewhat middle ground, with only a few fuzzy/out of focus shots thrown in the mix, not enough to really ding the video for. The grain level is on the average side (not too heavy, but visible), with a nice veil that doesn't intrude into the picture one bit. Skin tones looked great, though many members of the cast were bronzed, be it natural or no, so it gave the tones a bit of diversity. I noticed whites were a bit busy at times, and a late shot of Dratch at her laptop gave off a purple mist of noise in her chest and facial areas. In other words, the video for this release does the job, and quite nicely. It is easily the highlight of this release.

The audio, though, that's another story. Spring Breakdown was originally slated for a Blu-ray release earlier in the year, and got bumped back a few months. This disc is obviously from that earlier date, as Warner has made great strides to put lossless audio on their newer releases.

That said, I doubt a lossless track would have helped things much here. Presented in a Dolby Digital 5.1 mix, Spring Breakdown is a bit of a mess. While dialogue is all clear and discernible, there is no dynamic range, with a subdued bass level, even in a crowded club scene that should have been thumping. The club sequence does have a good surround feel, with constant activity, putting you in the middle of things. The rears are utilized a bit more often than I expected for a direct-to-video comedy release, I will give it credit there. There just isn't too much to talk about on the audio side of this release. It's not going to convert anyone or change their opinion on the film, but they will hear every line, and every noise. A passable track.
Rating: 7/10 ( 7/10- video, 5/10- audio)

The Extras:
Audio Commentary
With Ryan Shiraki and Rachel Dratch.

Extra Scenes (SD, 3 min)
A couple throwaway scenes, but the extended marriage counselor scene belonged in the film, as it actually was quite funny, and that scene DID feel cut off oddly in the film.

Gag Reel (SD, 2 min)
A series of flubs reading lines, and intentional screw arounds.

BD-Live
Take Spring Breakdown online! A trailer for the film is the main extra found here, defaulting to play when you log in. The extras section is empty, so there is no film exclusive content, while the WB Shop and My Library features are still not up yet. Maybe soon?
Rating: 3/10

Overall:
"Today's geeks always turn out to be tomorrow's winners."

Yes, I saved that line from the film for last, as it ironically sums up the film perfectly (if we were in Bizarro World). Spring Breakdown is just not a winner. The video qualities on the Blu-ray are, but that doesn't change the story on this one. A rental.
Rating: 4/10